Projections are those things we put out into the world that allow others to judge us and, more importantly, dictate how they interact with us. They are a moderately complex set of behaviors that include body language, tone, physical appearance and the words that come out our mouths. The importance of projections is in that these are the most easily correctable piece of personal behavior and they have tremendous influence over how the world sees you and chooses to relate to you.

Your projections are your magnet for other people and situations. Simply put, you will receive from others what you choose to project. Unfortunately, personal projections are also a common blind spot among adults. Many people just don’t know what they are projecting to others and what those signals are attracting.

The balance of this article will look at some common projections and offer some tips to tuning them without sacrificing the core of you.

Super Serious Dude (Labeled without Gender Deference)
This was my wakeup call in the early 90’s when a team member gave me the nickname of “stomper” because of my tendency to walk fast and move with a sense of purpose through the office. What I was projecting was high urgency, high self-importance and little regard for anything around me. This one is found in verbal and tone responses when interrupted and you always project a hurried approach or overly share about how busy you are or how important the work that you are doing. Simple fix on this one is to lighten up and slow down. A gentle reminder that the world does not rotate around you and your project can also be useful.

Flippant Soul
Everything is a joke. Every response starts with laughter. Chuckles lead even the most serious of conversations. Smart ass comments are ever-present. Nothing is taken seriously.

Fun is great and everyone should have as much as possible but sometimes we need to arch our backs at be focused and serious. Not every situation is bubble-blowing giggle worthy. Learn when to be serious and when your comments and projection is too much for the situation.

Spiritually Smug
One projection set that is becoming more prevalent and common is spiritual smugness. It is certainly awesome that you found God (more accurately God found you) and you now have inner peace, detachment and total enlightenment. Awesome. Now stop judging the rest of us and sharing your path. Your path is yours, not ours and the constant pointing out of either your peace and happiness or our failure to find it will not serve you well in connecting with others.

Quiet, Aloof and Genius
One of a couple of unfair projections, quiet is often misjudged as aloof or even arrogant. Again, not fair but what you are projecting will determine what you receive back from others. You may be legitimately quiet and introverted but the world sees it differently. The same with really smart people (an affliction I have never had to deal with). They are seen as unapproachable because of vocabulary or command of a subject in a very directive tone. Learn to be more open, outgoing when around people and keep some of your genius in the garage.

Flirt and Charm
The line between good manners, charm and being overly flirtatious is thin. This one too is unfair in most cases and there are different standards (unfairly so) for women and men. Much of this is wrapped in non-verbal signals such as walk, leaning in during conversations and in tone. Again, the point of knowing this projection is to allow us to connect more solidly and genuinely with people and not based on projections we don’t desire to have in our lives.

Bitter Pill
Everything is wrong, everything is bad and the world is an ugly, ugly place. This projection, usually through a combination of verbal and tone signals is very distancing of others. No one wants to be around the person that sees nothing good in the world. Find the some good in things and share it and learn how to park your criticality.

Invisible Transparency
Transparent is great. It really is. It is awesome to be a genuine person, flaws and all. But there are those people that over disclose to the point that they have nothing left to share to anyone. They have told the whole story, names included, to anyone that will listen. We all have that over-disclosing friend and commonly that is one we tend to avoid. Keep some boundaries on what you share with others to maintain respect and credibility.

You Are What You Wear
Not everyone wears Prada but the harsh truth is that people judge us by our appearance and that judgement will affect connections and relationships with others. Wear booty shorts and see what you attract. This is not to say we must be dressed to the nines in all situations but we should be aware that our outer appearance will indeed dictate many of the responses and reactions we receive from other people. And to be intellectually honest, we do it to others as well.

Tim Schneider is the founder of Aegis Learning and has been working with teams and leaders for 25 years.   He generates results, impact and his sole focus is your success.

He is the author of The Ten Competencies of Outstanding Leadership and Beyond Engagement and a widely sought speaker, training facilitator and individual development coach.