The Intersection of Dreams and Comfort

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

The difference between dreamers and doers can best be summarized in a set of characteristics:  tolerance for risk and comfort with uncomfortable.

Everyone has dreams.  Everyone wants to be something a little different or better.  Everyone wants to contribute to a common good.  Many people even take it a step farther and label their dreams as a life passion, calling or purpose.  They create vision boards for where they want to be and even journal about a better life for them and their families.

“I really want to get a new job”

“I really want to go back to school”

“I really want to devote my life to something bigger and better”

“I really don’t want to be stuck in an eight-to-five grind”

Where these dreams come to a crashing halt for many is at the blinking-light intersection of risk and comfort.

“But I don’t want to give up my daily Starbucks”

“I’m can’t tell my wife I’m quitting my job to open my own business”

“The classes and studying will put a burden on my family time”

“I’m not about to start at a position lower than my last one”

Risk aversion can certainly become an evil little voice that continually reminds you of the potential for failure and all the negative “what ifs”.  Sadly, this voice rarely speaks to the potential positive outcomes associated with a leap towards your dreams or reminds you of the great satisfaction of doing what you were placed on this rock to do.  Highly successful people use self-talk to silence or reduce the impact of the voice of doom and actively replace it with the positive outcomes of risk taking.  Not that anyone should blindly leap into the unknown but the reminder that all unknowns have an equal or greater chance of being successful as becoming a failure.  The risk aversion voice also tends to overstate the failure outcomes as being horrible when in fact, they are nothing more than learning opportunities and everything is recoverable.

Comfort aversion is as damaging as risk aversion to living a purposeful and fulfilling life.  Now there is nothing wrong with being comfortable but over-emphasis on comfort will keep you in a complacent, non-growing, non-achieving spot.  The comfort lie tells us that some of our creature comforts and vanity desires have become needs.  The BMW instead of a Camry, Starbucks instead of Folgers, gated community instead of two-bedroom apartment, Ivy League instead of community college, designer purse over the JC Penny’s version.  Again, successful people will truly understand the difference between a core need and those items that simply create comfort.  Interestingly, those people in life that have failed and restarted several times have a clearer view of what is really needed versus those comforts that sometimes serve as obstacles to achieving our dreams.

Below are a couple of tactics to help improve risk and comfort tolerance:

  1. Identify What is Really a Need Versus a Want

Look at basics.  Return to an earlier time in your life and describe how you survived and with what.

  1. Take Small Risks

Develop risk tolerance by beginning with smaller risks prior to a big leap.  Note or journal the lessons from failures and the ease in overcoming and recovery.

  1. Commit

If you want to achieve a dream or purpose, commit to a course of action complete with timelines and measurable milestones. 

  1. Partner

Don’t be afraid to share your dreams with others.  Seek the support needed to reduce risk and get buy-in on changes to comfort.  Quite simply, ask the kids if they are okay with no cable TV or moving to a smaller house.

  1. Track Progress

Monitor, track and report your progress towards your dream.  Vision posters are nice but a formal system to track progress is where achievement rests.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

The Pilot

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

By Kelley Reynolds

I recently shared my observations of certain passengers while on a flight home from Spring break.

While on this flight, there was another opportunity to observe leadership in action.  I would be remiss if I failed to share with you the leadership skills demonstrated by another leader on this flight.  The Pilot

Those of you familiar with air travel are accustomed to the perfunctory pre-flight commentary offered by the cabin crew.  Included in this are the usual details offered by the pilot.  We’ll be cruising at 30,000 feet.  Our flight time, from gate to gate is 2 hours and 18 minutes, etc.  Rarely do I pay much attention to this.  However, when the pilot began the litany, I noticed the first comments were to thank us.  That was a nice touch.

Shortly after take-off, the pilot announced that we might encounter some turbulence.  For about the first hour, the flight was uneventful.  The beverage cart slowly made its way up the aisle as I noshed on a palm-sized bag of pretzels.  And then, we dipped and bounced a little.  The familiar ‘bing’ was heard overhead, indicating that the pilot was communicating with the crew. 

The pilot announced over the p.a. system that we were encountering the turbulence.  He instructed the flight attendants to take their seats.  He further informed us that they would attempt to find smoother air.

For the next 20 minutes or so, we shimmied and dipped.  Then the bumps stopped.  The pilot, true to his word, found smoother air for us.  He then communicated with us that while we were out of the turbulence and the flight attendants would resume beverage service.

The remainder of the flight was unremarkable.  Thankfully.

The pilot had done a wonderful job flying the plane; we landed as expected, wheels first.  He also displayed a few critical leadership skills in the process. 

He communicated with us.  He provided honest and accurate information; using easy to understand language, no jargon.  The pilot managed our expectations and advised us of anticipated turbulence.  When the turbulence hit, he calmly provided instructions to keep us safe while addressing the swirling currents of air. The pilot shared with us his plan to solve the problem and followed up by notifying us when he believed we had navigated through the difficulties.

At this point, you might be thinking; “I never really thought about my flights this way, but is this really article worthy?”

While this analysis is interesting to note, it was the pilot’s next actions which inspired the article. It was what he did on the ground.

As we deplaned, our pilot who calmly guided us to smoother air, stood on the jetway waiting for us.  He spoke to the passengers.  He apologized to each of us for turbulence.  He thanked us for flying with them and let us know that he hoped we would choose the Friendly Skies for our next flight. 

Isn’t this remarkable?!  Not only did he display Battlefield Cool, as he maintained control of the bouncing plane, he exemplified high caliber leadership on the ground, too.

After landing, pilots will often remain in the cockpit, hidden from the view of passengers.  Not this guy.  He faced each of us.  Any of you who work with the public, know the unhappy customer wants to speak with the manager!  By making himself available, he provided any dissatisfied passengers the opportunity to share their displeasure.  This action may have created satisfied customers as well as diffusing any complaints going further up the chain.

He apologized for a situation that he did not create.  Turbulence.  He did not attempt to make excuses for the weather or blame air traffic control.  He took responsibility.  His plane. Period.

Then he expressed appreciation for our business. The pilot realizes that customer service is not some task to be only be performed by other members of his team.  By personally thanking us, he role modeled excellent customer service.

Finally, he made a gesture for his team and the organization.  He asked us for our future business. 

Throughout this flight, our pilot put people first.  Whether be it the passengers or flight crew or the main office, his leadership actions demonstrated dedication to the customer, to his team and to his organization.  What a great example of proactive effective leadership in action!

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

Kelley’s optimistic outlook on life guides her belief that change is possible!

Her easy going instruction style mixed with a dry wit make her an entertaining educator. She has instructed professionals throughout the nation as well as internationally. Kelley has earned a Master of Business Administration and possesses a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, both from University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

Please Buckle Your Seat Belts

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

By Kelley Reynolds

You know, I see leadership skills everywhere, everyday even in unlikely locations and situations.

As an example, this article was written on an airplane full of families returning home from Spring break. 

In any group, team, family, or organization, there is a need for leadership.  Whatever word you use for a gathering of humans who are working towards a common goal, be it increased sales or a menu for dinner, they perform better and accomplish more with a strong leader.  We need a leader who asks the team for suggestions, considers the needs of the organization and guides the team towards the goal.

When the sun is shining, and the team is working well together, the goal is within reach; leading can appear almost effortless and joyful.  However, what happens when there are unexpected bumps? When the team becomes unsure? Uncomfortable?  Apprehensive about the future and attaining the goal?

It is during these situations where we see the caliber of the leader.  As leaders, these are opportunities to challenge ourselves and grow. 

So, we hit a patch of turbulence.  Not the metaphorical kind, but the real kind.  The roller coaster in the sky with dips and drops and shimmies.  The pilot calmly communicated to us that we were going through some rough air and instructed the flight attendants be seated and to fasten their safety belts. We rocked and rolled as the pilots attempted to find smooth air. 

During this, the reactions of passengers, especially parents who were flying with their kids, were noteworthy.  Some passengers were obviously uncomfortable.  There were some of the usual and expected behaviors.  We held tightly to beverages.  We grabbed the armrests.  We offered prayers.  The turbulence was intense.

There was one parent, whose behavior caught my attention.  She clenched her jaws and squeezed her eyes shut.  With each drop, she moaned and cried out loudly in fear.  Her fear consumed her.  She appeared to be oblivious to anyone else on the plane, including her own kids and what they were experiencing.   Her behaviors caused tremendous concern and trepidation among her children.  One of her kids began to sob.   Her response to our current predicament was not helpful to anyone.    Her reactions only exacerbated the fear her children felt.

In the aisle across from me, there was another family.  Prior to the bumps, the teen had been entranced in whatever YouTube video was playing on her cellphone.   The parent was intently reading her book.  As we bounced, I noticed the teenager glanced to her parent.  The teen appeared to be seeking a cue from her parent.  Her posture seemed to ask, “How should we react to the bouncing plane?” Or perhaps, she was seeking some reassurance. 

The parent’s neutral gaze remained on the book for many seconds.  When the mother glanced up, she gently smiled at her daughter.  The mother offered a few words of comfort.  That was apparently enough to appease the teen who then returned her attention to her small screen.

Once the teen’s attention was re-absorbed into her cellphone, the mother discreetly placed her book down and wiped her moist palms. 

This mother, as the leader of her group of humans, had performed her job.  During an uncertain time, a member of her team sought reassurances.  The leader’s calm confidence let her team know that although scary now, everything was going to be okay.  Her message appeared to be just continue doing what you are doing, and we will get through this together.

Based upon her sweaty palms, this leader was not comfortable either.  However, she was careful not to share her feelings with her team; to not burden them with her worries.  As a leader, her priority was to subordinate her feelings and to place her team’s needs above her own.

In our professional lives, we know not every day is easy.  Whether it is because the sales numbers dropped, there was a delayed delivery or organization wide restructuring, there are those times when the team may be scrambling in turmoil. 

As leaders, you have choices.  You can behave like the parent in first example.  You can moan and be visibly upset; letting everyone within earshot know how dire you think the situation is.  You can share your fears with your team.  Will this strategy change or improve the situation?  Would this help the team? 

Or, you can behave like the leader in the second example, demonstrating Battlefield Cool.  You can exhibit confidence; confidence in them and in their ability to respond to the situation at hand.  You can be there for your team and provide them with the reassurance and guidance they seek.  As the leader, no one else can provide these for your team but you. Finally, you place your team’s needs above your own.  Being strong for them gives you the opportunity to focus on their needs while controlling your own emotions. You help no one, when you let them see you sweat!

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

Kelley’s optimistic outlook on life guides her belief that change is possible!

Her easy going instruction style mixed with a dry wit make her an entertaining educator. She has instructed professionals throughout the nation as well as internationally. Kelley has earned a Master of Business Administration and possesses a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, both from University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

Do Good or Do Nothing

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

About 15 minutes of cable news is all I can stand anymore.  I used to be a news junkie and keep up with current events but any reading or watching of the national political scene just turns my stomach.

Likewise, I have become familiar with a couple of incredibly toxic workplaces that when I hear the stories of extremely poor leadership, it just makes me sick.

The causation of this nausea is not the remarkably bad dinner in Eugene Oregon last night but rather the poor choices made by leaders to invest time, energy and effort in consciously and intentionally doing bad.  Don’t get me wrong here; we all do bad and make mistakes and exercise poor judgments and choices but not many people (sans politicians) consistently set out on a path of doing dumb things. 

In the case of toxic work environments, consider the amount of time, energy and emotional composition that is totally wasted in documenting, cross-emailing, complaining and filing grievances.  All because someone or a set of people have chosen to do bad instead of doing good.  Poor leaders concoct schemes to retaliate, get rid of someone, make another department look bad or to protect their own jobs and all at the expense of team members, morale and the general well-being of the workplace. 

And back on cable news, our elected officials (mostly national but also state and local) are engaged in a series of grandstanding, ridiculous hearings and posturing rather than doing what is best for their constituents.  Rather than good, they serve special interests and their political affiliations all the while that Rome is burning.

We have a choice every moment in our lives.  To do good, to do bad or to do nothing at all.  That choice becomes conscious and when we can spend a moment thinking about the consequences of our actions, we can learn to make better, and more aligned with the common good, decisions.

Interestingly, the choice of doing nothing in many cases is better than the choices of some leaders.  If doing good becomes impossible, then the decision to do nothing is by-far-and-away better than crafting a path for doing bad.  For reference, think about the savings in money and time if congressional hearings were vetted against serving a good purpose or for doing bad and focusing only on individual gain or glory.  How much angst could be saved if a toxic leader spent her time relationship building, providing positive feedback and empowering others rather than tearing down, conspiring and self-preserving?

To make some better choices, try the following:

  1. Analyze Motive

Understanding your own motives are clearly the first and most important step of making better decisions and choices.  Always asked my boys if they are telling on someone to get them in trouble or save them from trouble.  That simple question forced them to examine the motives of their actions and make more thoughtful decisions.  We too can examine why we are choosing a course of action but that take a hefty amount of emotional intelligence and self-regulation.  Really reflect on why you are choosing the path or direction.

  1. Test Against Mission

Check your choices against the mission, vision and core values of the organization.  This should provide ample guidance in most cases.  It’s hard to justify the harassment of a team member when an organizational core value is to treat team members well and fairly. 

  1. Test for Value to Others

Look to see if your decision or choice benefits others and not just you.  There is a time and place for a self-caring choice but not in a role of leadership or public service.

  1. Test for Unintended Consequences

Diagnose and spend some time thinking about what some unintended consequences might occur from your choice.  This is enhanced even more when you engage #5 below.

  1. Seek Input

Ask for some feedback from trusted and wise sources before storming off on your own decision.  This input can save a lot of time and energy and keep you from making some bad choices.

An above and beyond all of those, be a deliberate responder and not a reactor.  Use some time, take a pause and then choose to either do good or do nothing at all. 

An Aegis Learning Customer

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Aegis Cares – Animal Foundation and Rotary International

Furthering Our Commitment to the Community

Aegis Learning Cares

The Animal Foundation of Las Vegas

Aegis Cares supported the Las Vegas Animal Foundation on Saturday, March 23, 2019 with some needed clean-up.  

This community asset serves our four-legged friends in a kind and compassionate manner and we are proud to serve some of their needs.

Big thanks to Teresa Lowry for coordinating this Aegis Cares event.  

#powerof1

#risetopurpose

Rotary International's Campaign to End Polio

Rotary International has polio on the run.  Not eradicated but close.  Aegis Cares supported John Chase and the Rotary International’s campaign to end polio forever.  

#powerof1

#risetopurpose

Join our Facebook group to receive updates and to participate in Aegis Cares campaigns and events.

Trust and Communication

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

 

(Originally published and written on August 30, 2015) 

I’m going to want you to be honest with me here and honest with yourself.

Think back to the times where you had a lot of apprehension, anxiety and mistrust.  These memories can come from the work environment or your personal life.  Maybe you thought your job was going to be eliminated.  Maybe you were being audited and did nothing wrong.  Maybe your spouse was out late and didn’t call to check in.  Maybe you were waiting for some medical test results back and hadn’t heard for a few days.  Maybe you hadn’t gotten a call or text you were expecting for a friend.

I know those are not pleasant memories and we won’t be staying here long. 

Each of those examples and most others like it have one single cause point:  communication frequency.  Communication, even a simple update can ease most of the apprehension, anxiety and mistrust described above and failure to communicate and the march of time will continue to grow those highly negative emotions and fears.

The balance of this article will take two very divergent angels in how to deal with communication frequency and the impact on trust.

Over Communicate

Quite simply tell people what you are up to and what you are doing.  As a leader, you can’t afford any lapses in trust that are so easily curable as you communicating with affected team members.  Your team can’t read your mind and they don’t automatically know what you are doing and your motives.  You have to tell them.

A couple of the best models to use include regular team meetings to insure that everyone is hearing the same thing and that will eliminate the in-the-know jealousy that sometimes develops when insiders know what is going on and others don’t.  To reduce the risk of trust lapses, these meetings should be weekly or every two weeks.

One-on-one meetings allow team members a better forum to ask questions and dive deeper into subjects than in a group setting.  When done monthly, it allows for a lot of clarifications and amplifications where needed.

Daily huddles are another great tool to give brief updates on what is happening in short term basis and it makes sure everyone has the same level of communication on a daily basis.

One final consideration is the use of technology in communication.  I started to count the ways people can communicate with me through the written word and social platforms.  There is email, text, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Google + and Instagram.  Within each of those, there are subsets of groups, pages, forums and instant messages.  The excuse of not having a way to connect with team members left with the dialup modem. 

Some of the good examples of using technology to assist in communication frequency include using private groups to post project updates, using group notifications to spread the word about a new team member and using social media with tags to share key news.  This method of communication will become more and more prevalent as millennials dominate the workplace (they check their social media before email).

Self-Management and Expecting Better

The divergent side of communication and trust involves a bit of self-management, emotional intelligence and changing your expectations.  By a big part, this is harder but the long-term value is very high.

Just because you don’t hear something doesn’t mean something is bad or something is wrong.  In a perfect world, you would know and have access to the information you need when you need it but we do not live in that realm.

So there are times you don’t know and don’t get the communication that builds and maintains trust.  The reaction to that situation is now up to you.  You can choose to be fearful or you can choose to expect a positive outcome.  That choice rests entirely with you.

The other reminder here is that you have almost no control over how people choose to communicate with you.  If they communicate frequently, infrequently, disjointedly, harshly or not at all.  You can control your reaction but not control the communication.

“Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.”

Michael Pritchard

Like many subjects related to self-management and your emotions, this is not one that can be cured by reading an article or looking at a motivating picture.  You will have to commit to changing your reaction to these situations and begin a journey where you will have to remind yourself regularly of your control over the reaction and not the lack of communication you are receiving.

The two sides of communication and trust.  Over-communicate when you are owning and driving the event and manage your reaction when you are the expected receiver of the communication. 

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

From Anger to Compassion

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

He screwed up my order four times.

First time was at the speaker.  He just couldn’t seem to get it down right.  It wasn’t hard either.  The apple turnover must have thrown him off.

He handed me my drink.  One sip proved that it wasn’t iced tea. 

Both the great Arby’s folly of March 5, 2019 was not yet done.  He asked me for a receipt he hadn’t yet given me.  Gave me the wrong bag of food.  Forgot the turnover.

It really wasn’t the day for this.  Tough morning.  Lots to do.  Very tight scheduling.  Not the day at all.  So, I wasn’t frustrated.  I wasn’t upset.  I was angry.  Mad.  Irritated.  This young kid at the Arby’s drive up window had provoked me to anger.  How could he be so stupid?  Why couldn’t he even do his job with minimum competence?  Why does he even have a job? 

By the time I turned out of Arby’s and into the street to take me home, the anger had passed a bit.  It was replaced by a combination of embarrassment and slight irritation.  The irritation was a byproduct of the prior anger and the embarrassment was about how I let this situation dictate my emotions and drive me to anger.  Truly embarrassed for how I felt and how this changed the composition of my emotions and my day.

Three stoplights later, there was another shift.  This time, thoughts and feelings of empathy replaced the prior emotions.  Situational empathy that I have been in spots where I just continue to screw up and make things worse.  Emotional empathy that I have been overwhelmed by work and new situations and he was obviously that.

By the time I rolled into the driveway, the final shift occurred.  The empathy has now been replaced by compassion.  I was feeling care for that young man.  I wanted to go back and tell him it would be okay and that better days are ahead of him.  Stopped and prayed a minute for him to help him have peace and comfort. 

This evolution from anger to compassion is not unique to me or unique to bad customer experiences at Arby’s.  I can remember painfully well how I reacted in a similar way when my mom first had symptoms of Alzheimer’s.  All emotionally intelligent and mature people do this at varying times and in different ways. 

A purposeful approach to move out of anger and into compassion is absolutely needed.  Organically and with time, anger with subside but not without taking a toll on you and those around you.  To use a more purposeful approach will get you out of it quicker and recovered to a healthy emotional condition very rapidly.

  1. Acknowledge the Anger

Don’t deny or hide that you are upset.  Internally, and sometimes externally acknowledge those feelings.  Be aware of your surroundings and when it is appropriate to share with others.

  1. Provide Perspective

Where does the event fit in the grand scheme of life or even where does it fit, relative to importance in today.

  1. Create Empathy

Put yourself or someone you care about in the narrative of the event.  Use them in the role of protagonist.  Look for situations in which you or your actions have created anger in others.

  1. Show Compassion

Take a moment and reflect on how you could have provided some loving response or encouragement for the person and in that situation. 

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Thrival

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

For the past 25 plus years, I have been accused of making up words that fit a particular phenomenon or situation.

Guilty as charged.  Not even remotely sorry.

Possiblitarian (sees the possibility in everything) is my favorite.  Nocturnalist (late worker).  Clouder (someone who muddies every issue with volumes of crud).  Fauxcoach (fake helper).  Hypercontrarianism (opposes everything/all the time).  Employoration (decorative employee that contributes little but has a great looking title/office).  Strategery (borrowed from President G. W. Bush).  Painfully, those closest to me have to learn these strange combinations and be on the lookout to call out new ones.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to talk with and observe several people who are entrenched in survival mode.  They work every day.  They pay their bills.  They move from Monday to Friday in a kind of zombie-like precision of sameness.  Counting days until retirement vesting.  They are surviving. 

Don’t get me wrong; surviving is better than the alternative, but it is certainly not a great place to hangout for an extended period.  Humans are built for more than just survival and sameness.  We are wired for much, much greater things.

Which brings us to a new word:  Thrival. 

Thrival is creating an environment in which we are thriving or prepared to thrive.  Thriving is utilizing all of our capabilities, abilities, talents and emotion in doing something we want to do, not have to do.  We will always have “must dos” but directing them to a goal or desire will convert them into a part of thriving and not merely surviving.

Thrival is also a mindset.  Mindset are complex sets of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes that have a big impact on behavior.  A positive mindset will eliminate many self-defeating behaviors and create a path for desired outcomes.  They are also the antidote for negative cognitive biases.

So the real challenge is how to move from survival to thrival.  This part is going to take a little work and dedication, but it is highly doable and all of us can accomplish these steps:

  1. Purpose

What do you want to do?  What makes you happy?  What are you good at?  What really inspires you and lights an internal fire in you?  Where is your passion?  What do you want to be when you grow up?

These are the questions to establish purpose.  Purpose is the target of thrival.  Ultimate thriving is the ability to live your purpose.  Once a purpose is established and visualized, you are well on your way to having a thrival mindset.

Dare to be great.  Dare to do what you want to do.  Dare to live the life you deserve and have dreamed about.  Dare to become the awesome human you are designed to be. 

  1. Visualize and Mind-Manage

The most difficult part of this process is to manage your own thoughts throughout this process.  The “can’ts”, “won’ts”, “nevers” and even worse will try to creep back into your mind.  These little creeps must be drowned out immediately and aggressively.  See your dream with clarity and order your self-talk to be supportive and encouraging.

  1. Alignment

A tougher analysis is looking at your daily activities and see how many align directly with your purpose.  Not all will but most should eventually.  The process of aligning activity with your purpose may also require that you set aside blocks of time to work towards your purpose and eliminate some activities that don’t connect and never will.  Explore options of some required tasks (outsourcing, delegating).  Create a chart of activities and draw lines to your purpose/thrival statement.

  1. Execution and Support

Now get to it.  Create a date certain and commit to living a life of thrival and not just surviving. 

You will also want to take a critical look at the people around us.  Make sure they are encouragers and not naysayers.  Yes, to live a life of thrival, your tribe may have to change a bit.

Best wishes on becoming a thrivalist (oh cool, another new word) and I look forward to hearing about your ongoing success.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

When I Look Away

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

When I look away, the homeless man is still living under the bridge.

When I look away, my co-worker is still being bullied and harassed.

When I look away, the trash on the ground is still there.

When I look away, the stray dog is still running through my neighborhood,

When I look away, my child is still upset and frustrated with something that happened in school.

When I look away, the lady is still struggling to load her groceries into her car.

When I look away, children still need foster and adopting families in my community.

When I look away, a team member is feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

Looking away has become a great coping mechanism and where many people find temporary relief.  By not consciously and cognitively acknowledging an issue exists, we find a certain degree of peace and are able to go on about our day and our lives.

The problem with this tactile denial is that it becomes temporary at best and really nothing more than a little Band-Aid to make ourselves feel better for the moment.  To acknowledge the issue causes discomfort.  To actually do something about the issue causes a great deal of discomfort.

The case we will make to get out of denial and into action is going to come in multiple parts.  First, and most tangible, is the personalization of the issue.  What if, and please, would never wish this on anyone, you inserted yourself into any of the above examples?  It was your dog that got loose.  It was you that was being harassed at work.  It was you feeling frustrated at work.  It was you that suffered catastrophic financial loss and you now are without a home.  Would you want someone to notice, and even more, would you want someone to help?  Of course, you would.  I would.  We all would. 

The deeper part of moving from denial into acceptance and then action is about you and your mental and emotional composition.  The regular deniers are harming their mental and emotional health by sweeping issues away and, in some cases, even pretending they don’t exist.  This creates a pretty significant drag on your emotional composition and intelligence by refusing yourself the need to sense and feel the issue.  You cannot experience true happiness and joy without experiencing, or in this case empathizing, the emotional pains. 

Quite bluntly, those that consistently look away will lack the empathy needed to build strong relationships, lead others or operate successfully in any type of team or community environment.  Empathy is the ability to see, feel and sense the emotions of others and looking away, dampens this incredibly important piece of emotional intelligence.

Conversely, when we do acknowledge an issue and then get out of our own way and do something about it, the feeling of satisfaction is tremendous.  This feeling, when regular and replicated will assist you in building confidence, resilience, empathy and open the path of your emotional composition to feel a consistent stream of more positive emotions.  Again bluntly, helpers feel better and are much better people.

A very simple approach to this looking away phenomenon would be:

  1. Acknowledge the Issue Exists

Say it out loud.  Point to it and mentally process it is an issue.

  1. Seek Inspiration

There are loads of sources of inspiring stories, videos and pictures of one person choosing to make a difference and helping the community.

  1. Personalize

Put yourself or a close family member/friend in the narrative.  Instead of a generic stranger, it is now about you or someone you care about deeply.

  1. Craft a Plan

Commit to a course of action to how to commit some time or resources to helping the issue you identified.  Don’t simply react but have a plan.  Planning will also help you curb your fears and nervousness about helping.

  1. Execute and Reflect

Do what you have committed to do and then spend some time reflecting, and even journaling how you feel and the impact of your actions.

 

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

What is Your Box Jump?

Make a Great Start to the New Year

Teresa Lowry from Aegis Learning


By Teresa Lowry

See that black box? I have a confession to make. One year ago, I stood staring at it ready to cry when Coach Ong told me to do box jumps. What had happened to my body that it would not respond to my brain asking it to take flight? To do something that as a third grader I did so easily without a second thought now seemed impossible. Coach said if you can’t jump then step up. So that is what I did, stepping up day after day until the day I took flight.

My question for you, as the new year approaches is “What is your box jump?” What new skill would you like to add to your repertoire? As you set your goals for 2019 we at Aegis Learning want you to know we are here for you. Looking for a promotion, to refine your communication skills, feedback on your blind spots? We are here to help. Coaching you to success is our passion.

Professional coaches can make all the difference. Whether the coach is in the gym or in the boardroom we can all benefit from having someone who can help us develop a plan, encourage us to follow the plan, give us feedback, provide clarity and support us throughout the process.  

A coach can help us break down into incremental steps what might otherwise seem to be an insurmountable goal. With small steps comes a series of successes that can provide the positive energy we need to continue to move forward. Coaches can provide ongoing feedback to insure good habits are formed and bad habits eliminated. Never underestimate the power of positive feedback. You would be amazed at how hard I will work in the gym to hear my coach say, “Good Job Teresa!”

For many of us the added layer of accountability to another person may be just the motivation we need to complete the daily task that moves us towards our goal. Understanding our individual drivers and motivators is important. Our strategy may be a little different if we are highly competitive and extrinsically driven. Working with others with similar goals may be the key to our success.  While those of us who are motivated by reason and logic will want to do our research and due diligence to support and motivate our taking that first step.

A few tips to get started:

            Announce what you want to do.

            Schedule it, calendar it, put it on the daily to do list.

            Enlist the help of others to help keep you accountable.

            Start small.

            Expect setbacks.           

            Reward yourself for incremental improvement.           

This coming year commit to investing in your personal success. Take the first step to having the support you need to take flight.

Teresa Lowry is a passionate advocate for learning, growth and generating real organizational change.