By Tim Schneider

About 15 minutes of cable news is all I can stand anymore.  I used to be a news junkie and keep up with current events but any reading or watching of the national political scene just turns my stomach.

Likewise, I have become familiar with a couple of incredibly toxic workplaces that when I hear the stories of extremely poor leadership, it just makes me sick.

The causation of this nausea is not the remarkably bad dinner in Eugene Oregon last night but rather the poor choices made by leaders to invest time, energy and effort in consciously and intentionally doing bad.  Don’t get me wrong here; we all do bad and make mistakes and exercise poor judgments and choices but not many people (sans politicians) consistently set out on a path of doing dumb things. 

In the case of toxic work environments, consider the amount of time, energy and emotional composition that is totally wasted in documenting, cross-emailing, complaining and filing grievances.  All because someone or a set of people have chosen to do bad instead of doing good.  Poor leaders concoct schemes to retaliate, get rid of someone, make another department look bad or to protect their own jobs and all at the expense of team members, morale and the general well-being of the workplace. 

And back on cable news, our elected officials (mostly national but also state and local) are engaged in a series of grandstanding, ridiculous hearings and posturing rather than doing what is best for their constituents.  Rather than good, they serve special interests and their political affiliations all the while that Rome is burning.

We have a choice every moment in our lives.  To do good, to do bad or to do nothing at all.  That choice becomes conscious and when we can spend a moment thinking about the consequences of our actions, we can learn to make better, and more aligned with the common good, decisions.

Interestingly, the choice of doing nothing in many cases is better than the choices of some leaders.  If doing good becomes impossible, then the decision to do nothing is by-far-and-away better than crafting a path for doing bad.  For reference, think about the savings in money and time if congressional hearings were vetted against serving a good purpose or for doing bad and focusing only on individual gain or glory.  How much angst could be saved if a toxic leader spent her time relationship building, providing positive feedback and empowering others rather than tearing down, conspiring and self-preserving?

To make some better choices, try the following:

1. Analyze Motive

Understanding your own motives are clearly the first and most important step of making better decisions and choices.  Always asked my boys if they are telling on someone to get them in trouble or save them from trouble.  That simple question forced them to examine the motives of their actions and make more thoughtful decisions.  We too can examine why we are choosing a course of action but that take a hefty amount of emotional intelligence and self-regulation.  Really reflect on why you are choosing the path or direction.

2. Test Against Mission

Check your choices against the mission, vision and core values of the organization.  This should provide ample guidance in most cases.  It’s hard to justify the harassment of a team member when an organizational core value is to treat team members well and fairly. 

3. Test for Value to Others

Look to see if your decision or choice benefits others and not just you.  There is a time and place for a self-caring choice but not in a role of leadership or public service.

4. Test for Unintended Consequences

Diagnose and spend some time thinking about what some unintended consequences might occur from your choice.  This is enhanced even more when you engage #5 below.

5. Seek Input

Ask for some feedback from trusted and wise sources before storming off on your own decision.  This input can save a lot of time and energy and keep you from making some bad choices.

An above and beyond all of those, be a deliberate responder and not a reactor.  Use some time, take a pause and then choose to either do good or do nothing at all. 

By Tim Schneider

(Originally published and written on August 30, 2015) 

I’m going to want you to be honest with me here and honest with yourself.

Think back to the times where you had a lot of apprehension, anxiety and mistrust.  These memories can come from the work environment or your personal life.  Maybe you thought your job was going to be eliminated.  Maybe you were being audited and did nothing wrong.  Maybe your spouse was out late and didn’t call to check in.  Maybe you were waiting for some medical test results back and hadn’t heard for a few days.  Maybe you hadn’t gotten a call or text you were expecting for a friend.

I know those are not pleasant memories and we won’t be staying here long. 

Each of those examples and most others like it have one single cause point:  communication frequency.  Communication, even a simple update can ease most of the apprehension, anxiety and mistrust described above and failure to communicate and the march of time will continue to grow those highly negative emotions and fears.

The balance of this article will take two very divergent angels in how to deal with communication frequency and the impact on trust.

Over Communicate

Quite simply tell people what you are up to and what you are doing.  As a leader, you can’t afford any lapses in trust that are so easily curable as you communicating with affected team members.  Your team can’t read your mind and they don’t automatically know what you are doing and your motives.  You have to tell them.

A couple of the best models to use include regular team meetings to insure that everyone is hearing the same thing and that will eliminate the in-the-know jealousy that sometimes develops when insiders know what is going on and others don’t.  To reduce the risk of trust lapses, these meetings should be weekly or every two weeks.

One-on-one meetings allow team members a better forum to ask questions and dive deeper into subjects than in a group setting.  When done monthly, it allows for a lot of clarifications and amplifications where needed.

Daily huddles are another great tool to give brief updates on what is happening in short term basis and it makes sure everyone has the same level of communication on a daily basis.

One final consideration is the use of technology in communication.  I started to count the ways people can communicate with me through the written word and social platforms.  There is email, text, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Google + and Instagram.  Within each of those, there are subsets of groups, pages, forums and instant messages.  The excuse of not having a way to connect with team members left with the dialup modem. 

Some of the good examples of using technology to assist in communication frequency include using private groups to post project updates, using group notifications to spread the word about a new team member and using social media with tags to share key news.  This method of communication will become more and more prevalent as millennials dominate the workplace (they check their social media before email).

Self-Management and Expecting Better

The divergent side of communication and trust involves a bit of self-management, emotional intelligence and changing your expectations.  By a big part, this is harder but the long-term value is very high.

Just because you don’t hear something doesn’t mean something is bad or something is wrong.  In a perfect world, you would know and have access to the information you need when you need it but we do not live in that realm.

So there are times you don’t know and don’t get the communication that builds and maintains trust.  The reaction to that situation is now up to you.  You can choose to be fearful or you can choose to expect a positive outcome.  That choice rests entirely with you.

The other reminder here is that you have almost no control over how people choose to communicate with you.  If they communicate frequently, infrequently, disjointedly, harshly or not at all.  You can control your reaction but not control the communication.

“Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.”

Michael Pritchard

Like many subjects related to self-management and your emotions, this is not one that can be cured by reading an article or looking at a motivating picture.  You will have to commit to changing your reaction to these situations and begin a journey where you will have to remind yourself regularly of your control over the reaction and not the lack of communication you are receiving.

The two sides of communication and trust.  Over-communicate when you are owning and driving the event and manage your reaction when you are the expected receiver of the communication. 

By Tim Schneider

He screwed up my order four times.

First time was at the speaker.  He just couldn’t seem to get it down right.  It wasn’t hard either.  The apple turnover must have thrown him off.

He handed me my drink.  One sip proved that it wasn’t iced tea. 

Both the great Arby’s folly of March 5, 2019 was not yet done.  He asked me for a receipt he hadn’t yet given me.  Gave me the wrong bag of food.  Forgot the turnover.

It really wasn’t the day for this.  Tough morning.  Lots to do.  Very tight scheduling.  Not the day at all.  So, I wasn’t frustrated.  I wasn’t upset.  I was angry.  Mad.  Irritated.  This young kid at the Arby’s drive up window had provoked me to anger.  How could he be so stupid?  Why couldn’t he even do his job with minimum competence?  Why does he even have a job? 

By the time I turned out of Arby’s and into the street to take me home, the anger had passed a bit.  It was replaced by a combination of embarrassment and slight irritation.  The irritation was a byproduct of the prior anger and the embarrassment was about how I let this situation dictate my emotions and drive me to anger.  Truly embarrassed for how I felt and how this changed the composition of my emotions and my day.

Three stoplights later, there was another shift.  This time, thoughts and feelings of empathy replaced the prior emotions.  Situational empathy that I have been in spots where I just continue to screw up and make things worse.  Emotional empathy that I have been overwhelmed by work and new situations and he was obviously that.

By the time I rolled into the driveway, the final shift occurred.  The empathy has now been replaced by compassion.  I was feeling care for that young man.  I wanted to go back and tell him it would be okay and that better days are ahead of him.  Stopped and prayed a minute for him to help him have peace and comfort. 

This evolution from anger to compassion is not unique to me or unique to bad customer experiences at Arby’s.  I can remember painfully well how I reacted in a similar way when my mom first had symptoms of Alzheimer’s.  All emotionally intelligent and mature people do this at varying times and in different ways. 

A purposeful approach to move out of anger and into compassion is absolutely needed.  Organically and with time, anger with subside but not without taking a toll on you and those around you.  To use a more purposeful approach will get you out of it quicker and recovered to a healthy emotional condition very rapidly.

1. Acknowledge the Anger

Don’t deny or hide that you are upset.  Internally, and sometimes externally acknowledge those feelings.  Be aware of your surroundings and when it is appropriate to share with others.

2. Provide Perspective

Where does the event fit in the grand scheme of life or even where does it fit, relative to importance in today.

3. Create Empathy

Put yourself or someone you care about in the narrative of the event.  Use them in the role of protagonist.  Look for situations in which you or your actions have created anger in others.

4. Show Compassion

Take a moment and reflect on how you could have provided some loving response or encouragement for the person and in that situation. 

By Tim Schneider

For the past 25 plus years, I have been accused of making up words that fit a particular phenomenon or situation.

Guilty as charged.  Not even remotely sorry.

Possiblitarian (sees the possibility in everything) is my favorite.  Nocturnalist (late worker).  Clouder (someone who muddies every issue with volumes of crud).  Fauxcoach (fake helper).  Hypercontrarianism (opposes everything/all the time).  Employoration (decorative employee that contributes little but has a great looking title/office).  Strategery (borrowed from President G. W. Bush).  Painfully, those closest to me have to learn these strange combinations and be on the lookout to call out new ones.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to talk with and observe several people who are entrenched in survival mode.  They work every day.  They pay their bills.  They move from Monday to Friday in a kind of zombie-like precision of sameness.  Counting days until retirement vesting.  They are surviving. 

Don’t get me wrong; surviving is better than the alternative, but it is certainly not a great place to hangout for an extended period.  Humans are built for more than just survival and sameness.  We are wired for much, much greater things.

Which brings us to a new word:  Thrival. 

Thrival is creating an environment in which we are thriving or prepared to thrive.  Thriving is utilizing all of our capabilities, abilities, talents and emotion in doing something we want to do, not have to do.  We will always have “must dos” but directing them to a goal or desire will convert them into a part of thriving and not merely surviving.

Thrival is also a mindset.  Mindset are complex sets of beliefs, thoughts and attitudes that have a big impact on behavior.  A positive mindset will eliminate many self-defeating behaviors and create a path for desired outcomes.  They are also the antidote for negative cognitive biases.

So the real challenge is how to move from survival to thrival.  This part is going to take a little work and dedication, but it is highly doable and all of us can accomplish these steps:

1. Purpose

What do you want to do?  What makes you happy?  What are you good at?  What really inspires you and lights an internal fire in you?  Where is your passion?  What do you want to be when you grow up?

These are the questions to establish purpose.  Purpose is the target of thrival.  Ultimate thriving is the ability to live your purpose.  Once a purpose is established and visualized, you are well on your way to having a thrival mindset.

Dare to be great.  Dare to do what you want to do.  Dare to live the life you deserve and have dreamed about.  Dare to become the awesome human you are designed to be. 

2. Visualize and Mind-Manage

The most difficult part of this process is to manage your own thoughts throughout this process.  The “can’ts”, “won’ts”, “nevers” and even worse will try to creep back into your mind.  These little creeps must be drowned out immediately and aggressively.  See your dream with clarity and order your self-talk to be supportive and encouraging.

3. Alignment

A tougher analysis is looking at your daily activities and see how many align directly with your purpose.  Not all will but most should eventually.  The process of aligning activity with your purpose may also require that you set aside blocks of time to work towards your purpose and eliminate some activities that don’t connect and never will.  Explore options of some required tasks (outsourcing, delegating).  Create a chart of activities and draw lines to your purpose/thrival statement.

4. Execution and Support

Now get to it.  Create a date certain and commit to living a life of thrival and not just surviving. 

You will also want to take a critical look at the people around us.  Make sure they are encouragers and not naysayers.  Yes, to live a life of thrival, your tribe may have to change a bit.

Best wishes on becoming a thrivalist (oh cool, another new word) and I look forward to hearing about your ongoing success.

By Tim Schneider

When I look away, the homeless man is still living under the bridge.

When I look away, my co-worker is still being bullied and harassed.

When I look away, the trash on the ground is still there.

When I look away, the stray dog is still running through my neighborhood,

When I look away, my child is still upset and frustrated with something that happened in school.

When I look away, the lady is still struggling to load her groceries into her car.

When I look away, children still need foster and adopting families in my community.

When I look away, a team member is feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

Looking away has become a great coping mechanism and where many people find temporary relief.  By not consciously and cognitively acknowledging an issue exists, we find a certain degree of peace and are able to go on about our day and our lives.

The problem with this tactile denial is that it becomes temporary at best and really nothing more than a little Band-Aid to make ourselves feel better for the moment.  To acknowledge the issue causes discomfort.  To actually do something about the issue causes a great deal of discomfort.

The case we will make to get out of denial and into action is going to come in multiple parts.  First, and most tangible, is the personalization of the issue.  What if, and please, would never wish this on anyone, you inserted yourself into any of the above examples?  It was your dog that got loose.  It was you that was being harassed at work.  It was you feeling frustrated at work.  It was you that suffered catastrophic financial loss and you now are without a home.  Would you want someone to notice, and even more, would you want someone to help?  Of course, you would.  I would.  We all would. 

The deeper part of moving from denial into acceptance and then action is about you and your mental and emotional composition.  The regular deniers are harming their mental and emotional health by sweeping issues away and, in some cases, even pretending they don’t exist.  This creates a pretty significant drag on your emotional composition and intelligence by refusing yourself the need to sense and feel the issue.  You cannot experience true happiness and joy without experiencing, or in this case empathizing, the emotional pains. 

Quite bluntly, those that consistently look away will lack the empathy needed to build strong relationships, lead others or operate successfully in any type of team or community environment.  Empathy is the ability to see, feel and sense the emotions of others and looking away, dampens this incredibly important piece of emotional intelligence.

Conversely, when we do acknowledge an issue and then get out of our own way and do something about it, the feeling of satisfaction is tremendous.  This feeling, when regular and replicated will assist you in building confidence, resilience, empathy and open the path of your emotional composition to feel a consistent stream of more positive emotions.  Again bluntly, helpers feel better and are much better people.

A very simple approach to this looking away phenomenon would be:

1. Acknowledge the Issue Exists

Say it out loud.  Point to it and mentally process it is an issue.

2. Seek Inspiration

There are loads of sources of inspiring stories, videos and pictures of one person choosing to make a difference and helping the community.

3. Personalize

Put yourself or a close family member/friend in the narrative.  Instead of a generic stranger, it is now about you or someone you care about deeply.

4. Craft a Plan

Commit to a course of action to how to commit some time or resources to helping the issue you identified.  Don’t simply react but have a plan.  Planning will also help you curb your fears and nervousness about helping.

5. Execute and Reflect

Do what you have committed to do and then spend some time reflecting, and even journaling how you feel and the impact of your actions.