By Teresa Lowry

When I was growing up, my Uncle Ronnie would tell the same joke every time he came to our house for dinner. It started out with “Did I tell you I received the Most Humble Man award this year? My uncle would then feign indignation and conclude: “But when I accepted the award they took it back!” We would all laugh. Humility can be tricky, if we think we are then we’re not!

When we explore confidence and humility, we may envision the extremes. At one end of the spectrum is Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa models of humility. Let us aspire to something more likely. On the other end of the spectrum there is the extreme side of confidence: arrogance. We want to avoid this at all costs. What effective leaders demonstrate is the graceful balance and blend of confidence and humility. No false bravado or false humility here. Authenticity will get us where we need to go.

Cruising Our Way to Confidence

Confidence is a sense of control and mastery of oneself and the world.

In Leadership IMPACT and all our extended leadership development programs, we provide guidance that confidence is a personal dynamic that’s generated internally but potentially affected by many outside influences. Effective leaders must be confident or at the very least appear confident. Our confidence as a leader will dramatically affect the desire of our team members to follow us.

Past successes, failures, tolerance for risk, experience, and subject matter expertise all impact our confidence. So, does feedback from others. Confidence is also impacted by our resilience and general state of wellbeing. At its core, confidence is the reconciliation of the consequences of failure. Every time we process what could go wrong and then proceed, we are producing confidence.

To enhance the feeling of confidence, remember past successes. Relate current scenarios and challenges to past events when you succeeded in your actions. Another technique to improve confidence is to track, monitor, and report achievements.

To keep confidence from turning into arrogance, follow the simple rule that confidence is unspoken. Confidence is quiet while arrogance is loud and obnoxious. Confidence is a gracious thank you to compliments. Thank you. Period. Similar to apologies. I am sorry. Period.

Confidence allows us to lead during times of uncertainty or ambiguity. It is knowing we can handle and can learn from whatever comes our way.

The Road to Humility

In the Harvard Business Review article “The Best Leaders Are Humble Leaders” by Prime and Salib, May 2014, it was noted that humility is a trait that many successful organizations look for in new hires. Without humility, you are unable to learn. Citing a Catalyst study, they found humility is one of the critical leadership qualities that team members appreciate. The key is learning from corrective feedback and admitting mistakes. When leaders humbly admit they don’t have all the answers they create a space for others to step forward and offer solutions.

A humble leader solicits feedback and asks “How am I doing?” This question should be posed to team members, peers, customers, mentors, and family members. Listen to their feedback and then accept it. Without justification, explanation, and with appreciation. If you have the good fortune to have a truth teller, who without agenda or ulterior motive, is willing to tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly, listen to them. And then tell them how grateful you are to have them in your life.

Humility could include seeking input from others, subordinating your own ideas, and avoiding adding value. It definitely includes the ability to apologize, to forgive and be forgiven.

Sometimes when we forget to be humble, life finds ways to remind us. Lessons if you will. We think we are all that as we enter a room and then realize after the big presentation that a zipper is not zipped up, or there is kale in our teeth, or a pink Velcro roller left in the back of our hair. Someone yawned or even fell asleep while we were talking. We lose a promotion, an election, the big game, the partner of our dreams. If we don’t find humility sincerely and honestly it will find us and it’s not pretty.

The Intersection: Meet Me on Authenticity Street

We want to be strong, confident leaders. We want to know that in a time of challenge or crisis we can and will rise to the occasion. Each success, as well as lessons learned from each failure, will give us the confidence we need to lead our team.

What will ultimately connect us to the people on our team will be our humility. It is in our moments of vulnerability when we let our guard down that we forge an emotional bond. The intersection of confidence and humility is authenticity. We would not be in a leadership position without a set of skills we can feel good about, and at the same time, we can be humbled regularly by what we have yet to learn or master. When we take our experience, skills and knowledge and show by example that we will take care of our team while demonstrating humility we are at our most authentic as a leader. It is a nice place to be. Even if you can’t accept any awards for it.