Opening the Listening Channels

Listening Barriers

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

An overlooked facet of the leadership communication puzzle is the ability to listen effectively. Listening skills, when not properly engaged will result in significant communication and relational disconnects with peers and team members.

The easiest method of improving the listening side of communication is to manage the environment in which listening is performed. If the dialog is important, and not just to you, the environment must be conducive to listening. This means that interruptions and distractions must be significantly reduced or eliminated. If your phone will disrupt an important dialog, silence it. If your cellular phone vibrating will move your attention to who is calling, turn it off for an important conversation. If the traffic by your office distracts your eyes and your attention, move to a more private or less traveled location.

Two important elements to consider about distraction values and listening. First is the time investment of how long it would take you to reconnect with a conversation after distraction compared with managing the distraction in the beginning. Or worse still, how much time will it take to repair the error that you make because you missed important details in the conversation.

The final consideration related to listening distraction is the not-so-subtle message of disrespect. In a conversation, you look down to see who is calling. How does that make the other person in the conversation feel? Are they the most important or is that dependant upon who is calling you on your cell phone? This disrespectful lack of focus on listening will often cause greater dysfunction in a relationship and many times impact future approachability and trust.

Another barrier to effective listening is the concept of assumptive responding. Assumptive responding is providing a response, not based on what you just heard, but rather on what you believed was said. This can be based on the situation or with whom you are having a dialog. Imagine for a moment, a team member has spent the last several days complaining about Ed, their co-worker. The team member asks if you have a moment to talk about Ed. Regardless of what is actually said in that conversation, there is a pretty good chance that your recollection of the dialog will include the team member complaining about Ed.

Those of you that have done what you have done for a living for five or more years are more likely to be candidates of assumptive responding. Having “been there, done that” or “heard it all before” will greatly impact your ability to truly listen compared to assumptive responding. Unlike managing your listening environment, dealing with assumptive responding is a little tougher. The skill is cognitive and requires both an improved focus and a reduction in the time desired to move into response mode. The bottom line is don’t be so anxious to judge the situation and hear something coming out of your mouth.

One additional listening skill is the use of complimentary validation. This is an extraordinary skill that really improves the flow of information while validating the comments of a communication sender. Complimentary validation is providing a compliment when key information is heard or processed in the listening cycle. Many people do this almost naturally or automatically and we often comment about those people that they were great listeners or they were excellent communicators or relationship builders.

In a typical conversation, routine relational dialog occurs. When you ask what someone did this past weekend and the person in dialog responds and says “we sat around and watched the grass grow.” Right behind that comment you will need to add a complimentary statement such as “those relaxing weekends are the best, that is outstanding you were able to do that.” In another conversation, you ask where someone is from and they indicate “Pawtucket.” You fire back a comment about what a great part of the country or pretty city that is Pawtucket.

The purpose of complimentary validation is simple. You are providing the acknowledgement that you were listening and, more importantly, you are providing the communication feedback that you want to hear more and are legitimately interested in the dialog. Using this skill will allow you to obtain far more information from a person than by using more traditional validation methods.

Listening is an important element in leadership communication that must be managed as actively as the rest of the communication cycle. Failure to engage good listening skills can have an adverse reaction in relationship management and the ability to communicate effectively in the future.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Leading Edge – Volume 64 – 3 Keys: Seeking Input from Others

Leading Edge – Volume 63 – 3 Keys: Self-Awareness

Leading Edge – Volume 62 – 3 Keys: Corrective Feedback

Leading Edge – Volume 61 – 3 Keys: Workplace Tone

Leading Edge – Volume 60 – 3 Keys: Listening

Leading Edge – Volume 53 – 3 Keys: Greeting Team Members

Leading Edge – Volume 52 – 3 Keys: Communication Tone

Communication Style

Adapt Your Styles

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

People communicate in dramatically different methods and styles. Almost as if there are sub-languages within each major language.

 

Image for a moment that, as the leader, someone in Berlin must perform a series of tasks to complete an objective. You speak in your native tongue of English. The Berliner smiles and nods their head approvingly. Communication complete and successful, right?

 

Just as different languages will lead to communication disconnects, different communication styles will often cause a lack of information flow and impede any real communication. Five or more years ago, the leader would often proclaim that “I am who I am” and it is your job to adapt. Sometimes it was followed by the gentle reminder “or leave.” More recently, successful leadership communication has become a more chameleon-like and adaptive approach.

 

The most commonly identified communication styles include direct, relational, low-key and detailed. The direct style often communicates in a very blunt, matter-of-fact or bullet point method. There is not a lot of language wasted on pleasantries and not a lot of background or supporting data is provided. Many times an assertive tone, implied urgency and rapid pacing comes along with the direct style.

 

By contrast, the relational communicator is often more wordy and those words are designed to build rapport. Usually, an upbeat demeanor and an eagerness to contact people are included in this style, as is an animation in non-verbal messages. These people are often labeled as chatty and optimistic.

 

The two additional styles of communication are a little harder to peg and pigeon hole. The low-key style is seen as reserved and speaks with a flat demeanor. They prefer a very soft, methodically paced and predictable approach to interpersonal communication. The detailed communicator is one that is data driven and often prefers a low-key tone. One unique trait of the detailed communicator is they will tend to answer the why question first and provide multiple sides of a point prior to communicating the resolution.

 

Now imagine for a moment all of these style thrown into a working environment and told to perform. Just as foreign languages cause disconnects, non-modified communication styles will do the same. A relational style leader attempts to communicate with a key team member who prefers a direct style. A low-key team member tries to interact with a direct style boss and soon loses her in minutiae.

 

The effective leader will bridge this disconnect with adaptive communication styles. He or she will read the style of the receiver very quickly and adapt appropriately. Quite simply, that means to know your communication style and learn how to read the style of others and adapt your style to that of the communication receiver. When that is done, messages will be transmitted with greater clarity and less misunderstanding. Subconsciously, team members recognize and appreciate the leader’s attempt at adaptation and better connection.

 

With people that you know, assessing their communication style is relatively easy. You have observed them. You have communicated with them previously. You have seen what style of communication works and does not work with them. What about new contacts and those people who are not as well known?

 

One technique that works with a high degree of accuracy is to assess the response to the “how are you?” question. Direct style communicators will respond quickly with one word and one word only. Relational communicators will provide between three and five words and many times, inquire about you. Low-key and high detail communicators will often express a brief pause while they assess the reason for your inquiry and the need to respond in an accurate manner.

 

The final word on communication style is back to the reason why adaptation is important. If, as a leader, your communication style disconnects with some people and the messages that you send are not followed, you lose. If you adapt your style and more people engage to the messages you send, you win.
Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Communication Richness and Frequency

Tricky Combination

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

The needs for effective communication in a leadership role are indisputable. The role of poor communication patterns and skills is equally known and understood. In fact, most issues surrounding team morale, lack of involvement, poor accountability and bad performance can be traced back to the communication of a group’s leader.

Communication is a tricky combination of art and science. In it’s basic form, communication is the flow of information between humans. The last part about being a human phenomenon is important to remember. Communication is a human connectivity that is critical to the leadership role because it enjoins people in a unique and personal way to the tasks and mission of an organization. It also relates directly to the personal nature of leadership and the connection point of why people will follow a leader. To have people to want to follow, the leader must communicate with them.

If you look at leadership as the consistent and constant application of skill sets, communication is the foundation upon all others will be built. Failed communication is the cardinal sin of leadership. Effective communication will be the rock on which the other skill sets rest.

Richness

The first concept of communication effectiveness in leadership is to understand message richness. Richness describes the total content within any communication and the connect points that a communication receiver is able connect. Richness is also highly related to the emotional nature of humans. Our team members are creatures of emotion and not creatures of logic. The greater the degree of richness, the greater the emotional connection to the message.

In-person interaction has the highest degree of richness because all parts of the message sender and receiver can be evaluated and processed. Body language can be read. Tone can be interpreted with accuracy. Clarification can be requested. Understanding can be evaluated. Rapport can be built. By far and away, one-on-one personal dialog has the highest richness.

When using the telephone, richness begins to diminish. Although tone can still be evaluated and clarification can be achieved, there are no non-verbal messages to evaluate. Similarly, in public communications, meetings and presentations, richness also fades because of the lack of interactive elements related to clarification and understanding.

Richness takes a final hit when we convert communication to the written word. With the exception of Nobel Laureate winners, most people cannot achieve any type of meaningful connectivity in writing. Even with emoticons, colored backgrounds and dancing symbols, emails have a coldness and lack any ability for clarification. Written communication also has a high probability for misinterpretation and misunderstanding. Humor and personality can rarely be translated in the written word.

One challenge to consider is compare the amount of time spent recovering from a misunderstood email to the amount of time spent to walk down the hall and talk to the recipient. Consider how much time you might spend repairing a relationship from a terse one line email. When possible, engage in interpersonal, one-on-one communication.

Frequency and Not Volume

As far as leadership job go, the strong, silent type need not apply. Leadership requires a consistent stream of quality communication to team members. Communication frequency is at the core of group performance issues like trust, understanding direction, achieving objectives and even integrity.

One common mistake made by leaders is that volume makes up for frequency. So instead of talking frequently with team members, the leader simply conducts a marathon staff meeting once a month. During that meeting, the leader pines endlessly about all the issues past and current and indulges in a pontification designed to prove their commitment to quality communication. A three hour state of the organization address does not make up for a lack of consistent and frequent communication on a more personal and individual level.

In comparing volume and frequency, consider the human disconnect point in communication. In any dialog, humans report that somewhere between ninety seconds and three minutes, when the object of the dialog is not forthcoming and the content has suspect value, people disengage and cease listening. So, as a leader drones on endlessly, the target audience is left day dreaming. Visualize a Far Side cartoon when the dogs hear “blah, blah, blah, spot.” More frequent and shorter interactions will cure this phenomenon.

The other big issue surrounding communication frequency is trust. Without frequent communication, team members will often mistrust the motive of the leader and lack the personal connection and loyalty needed to be as effective as possible. Equate this to personal relationships. When communication is infrequent, trust will often sag dramatically. When communication occurs, even in troubled relationships, trust can be established as a baseline for moving forward. Relationship therapists will always work to establish frequent communication prior resolving other issues in the relationship.

Team members also report that one of their largest frustration is not knowing where they stand with the boss. They are unsure of their future and don’t know where they fit in the organization. All of these issues are curable by increasing the frequency of leadership frequency.

The easy way to improve frequency is to remember that the leadership legacy is about other people’s achievement and not your own work flow. With increased communication, your team will gain trust and work harder for you.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.