Leading Edge – Volume 69 – 3 Keys: Better Email

Opening the Listening Channels

Listening Barriers

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

An overlooked facet of the leadership communication puzzle is the ability to listen effectively. Listening skills, when not properly engaged will result in significant communication and relational disconnects with peers and team members.

The easiest method of improving the listening side of communication is to manage the environment in which listening is performed. If the dialog is important, and not just to you, the environment must be conducive to listening. This means that interruptions and distractions must be significantly reduced or eliminated. If your phone will disrupt an important dialog, silence it. If your cellular phone vibrating will move your attention to who is calling, turn it off for an important conversation. If the traffic by your office distracts your eyes and your attention, move to a more private or less traveled location.

Two important elements to consider about distraction values and listening. First is the time investment of how long it would take you to reconnect with a conversation after distraction compared with managing the distraction in the beginning. Or worse still, how much time will it take to repair the error that you make because you missed important details in the conversation.

The final consideration related to listening distraction is the not-so-subtle message of disrespect. In a conversation, you look down to see who is calling. How does that make the other person in the conversation feel? Are they the most important or is that dependant upon who is calling you on your cell phone? This disrespectful lack of focus on listening will often cause greater dysfunction in a relationship and many times impact future approachability and trust.

Another barrier to effective listening is the concept of assumptive responding. Assumptive responding is providing a response, not based on what you just heard, but rather on what you believed was said. This can be based on the situation or with whom you are having a dialog. Imagine for a moment, a team member has spent the last several days complaining about Ed, their co-worker. The team member asks if you have a moment to talk about Ed. Regardless of what is actually said in that conversation, there is a pretty good chance that your recollection of the dialog will include the team member complaining about Ed.

Those of you that have done what you have done for a living for five or more years are more likely to be candidates of assumptive responding. Having “been there, done that” or “heard it all before” will greatly impact your ability to truly listen compared to assumptive responding. Unlike managing your listening environment, dealing with assumptive responding is a little tougher. The skill is cognitive and requires both an improved focus and a reduction in the time desired to move into response mode. The bottom line is don’t be so anxious to judge the situation and hear something coming out of your mouth.

One additional listening skill is the use of complimentary validation. This is an extraordinary skill that really improves the flow of information while validating the comments of a communication sender. Complimentary validation is providing a compliment when key information is heard or processed in the listening cycle. Many people do this almost naturally or automatically and we often comment about those people that they were great listeners or they were excellent communicators or relationship builders.

In a typical conversation, routine relational dialog occurs. When you ask what someone did this past weekend and the person in dialog responds and says “we sat around and watched the grass grow.” Right behind that comment you will need to add a complimentary statement such as “those relaxing weekends are the best, that is outstanding you were able to do that.” In another conversation, you ask where someone is from and they indicate “Pawtucket.” You fire back a comment about what a great part of the country or pretty city that is Pawtucket.

The purpose of complimentary validation is simple. You are providing the acknowledgement that you were listening and, more importantly, you are providing the communication feedback that you want to hear more and are legitimately interested in the dialog. Using this skill will allow you to obtain far more information from a person than by using more traditional validation methods.

Listening is an important element in leadership communication that must be managed as actively as the rest of the communication cycle. Failure to engage good listening skills can have an adverse reaction in relationship management and the ability to communicate effectively in the future.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Leading Edge – Volume 67 – 3 Keys: Stress Management

Leading Edge – Volume 66 – 3 Keys: Becoming Sexier

Correct Fit: The Beginning and The End

Hiring and Firing Right are Key

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

Correct Fit-The Beginning

The first interaction a leader has with a team member is during the hiring and recruiting process. Although usually brief, this first meeting needs to be used to assess the proper fit for a potential team member.

Traditionally, interviews were used to discuss qualifications, education and experience. All of those things have value but not nearly as much as fit and interpersonal skills. To drive this point home, look at your current problematic team members. The ones with two inch thick files. The ones that come off and on disciplinary action with regularity. The ones that constantly are causing trouble but avoid termination.

Now, as you look at those problematic team members, critically review why they are problematic. Is it because of a lack of technical skills, qualification and education or is it because of a lack of fit with the existing team or lack of interpersonal skills? Most managers and leaders agree it is because of the latter and not the former. Interpersonal skills and ability to fit with the existing team are far greater predictors of workplace success than technical ability or education.

Back to the interview. The leader’s job in the interview process is to determine if someone will fit properly with the existing group and in the culture built by the leader and team. This is most often discovered in situational questions about how a job candidate would respond and react to the common scenarios in your working environment. The leader can then compare the job candidate’s response to the desired outcome or how his or her team currently responds and reacts. This is also a great technique for behavioral interviewing.

The leader must also check and test a potential team member’s interpersonal skills. How they work with others. How they communicate. How they solve problems. How they handle adversity. How they operate under pressure and stress. What do terms like accountability and responsibility mean to them? These are the interpersonal skill check points that are so critical in the modern working environment.

The effective leader recruits team members based on interpersonal skills and fit and avoids the common over-emphasis on experience and education.

Correct Fit-The End

The most difficult role of coaching is ending someone’s employment on your team. Difficult but necessary.

In fact, many managers and supervisors make a far bigger mistake by extending employment longer than they should and providing way too many opportunities for improvement and change. This is not an invitation to be rash and take these decisions lightly, but the impact of not terminating a team member when required is far greater than terminating a team member too soon.
The Lakota Sioux tribes of the northern and western plains had a saying. They believed “when you encounter a dead horse, it is best to dismount.” Not comparing team members to dead horses but good leaders recognize when someone is not fitting or not performing pretty early in the team relationship. When the determination is made that the team member will not perform or will not fit after appropriate coaching and counseling, the leader must end their employment.

In the modern working dynamic, most firing decision require multiple levels of approval and many sets of documentation and hoops to jump through. One of the biggest leadership mistakes is to look at these obstacles as insurmountable. Some mangers and supervisors, when told to obtain additional documentation, simply give up and label the team member as fire-proof or protected. This mistake, although convenient at the time, will lead to greater performance and behavior problems with the entire team.

Dragging a termination decision or action too long sends a horrible message to other team members. Rewarding poor performance or behavior will tell the team that those actions work. As a leader, you will also be faced with people that dare you to fire them. Don’t back down. Do them the favor for which they are asking.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Leading Edge – Volume 65 – 3 Keys: Time Management

Leading Edge – Volume 64 – 3 Keys: Seeking Input from Others

Leading Edge – Volume 63 – 3 Keys: Self-Awareness

Leading Edge – Volume 62 – 3 Keys: Corrective Feedback

Leading Edge – Volume 61 – 3 Keys: Workplace Tone