1. Be More Direct Consciously and mindfully use less language especially the language that is unimportant and does not add legitimate value. Pay close attention to the amount of qualifier words you use such as feel, believe, seems, and think. These words distract from any importance and credibility of your message and are unnecessary fillers. Also watch for hyperbole in your communication and avoid expressions like “absolute very best”, “most excellent”, “super-fantastic” and the like. These have no value and again, reduce overall communication credibility.
A more direct communication approach will also be achieved by maintaining the focus on the purpose of your communication. Stick solely to what you are trying to convey and avoid taking the wild left and right-hand turns that become impossible to follow and comprehend. Save your storytelling for the campfire, Uncle Bob’s birthday party, and mentoring your successor.
2. Just Say Thank You Stop adding your two cents worth when not invited or when that two cents will cause much more devaluation. Validate the work and ideas of others with the simple appreciation of a sincerely delivered “thank you”. Stay away from any suggestions, any redirections of what else they could add or think about, and any reference to how you would have done it. Just thank you. Nothing more and nothing less.
3. Ask Permission Before you tell the neighbor that she is mowing the grass wrong or tell the certified mechanic how to work on your car, ask permission to provide feedback or guidance. Now if they greenlight your input, share away, but if you detect hesitancy or they say any form of no, keep your commentary to yourself, no matter how helpful it may seem.
Even when coaching team members in a working environment and especially with peer level people, always engage this as a best practice. This also will aid the flow of communication in coaching events and give you guidance on the receptiveness of other people to your suggestions.
Likewise, if you have some ideas or comments on someone else’s ideas or innovation, use this same approach. Never just jump in with a “you should try” statement. Ask first to participate in their creativity.
4. Seek Feedback As indicated previously, most extra people don’t have a clue that they are being extra or the impact of their “extraness”. To see if you are one of the extra providers, ask people around you. There will be more about seeking feedback in Section III of this book, but simply learn to ask if you are being extra and validate any feedback with the simple thank you described above. You may not always love the feedback, but it is solid gold to your growth and improvement.
5. Limit Emotional Expressions Emotional expression is necessary and important, but this can be overdone quickly. Limit how much emotionalism you include in all modalities of communication. Does one heart emoticon express love? Do you need to add four of them? Probably not.
6. Take Your Hands Off the Keyboard You do not need to validate every response that comes to your inbox or in your message folder. Say thank you when needed but stop redundant replies or echoing other people’s replies of a similar, or same nature.
Being Extra Frequency: Often __________ Occasionally __________ Never __________
Being Extra Impact: High ____________________ Moderate ____________________ Low ____________________
