The Intersection of Dreams and Comfort

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

The difference between dreamers and doers can best be summarized in a set of characteristics:  tolerance for risk and comfort with uncomfortable.

Everyone has dreams.  Everyone wants to be something a little different or better.  Everyone wants to contribute to a common good.  Many people even take it a step farther and label their dreams as a life passion, calling or purpose.  They create vision boards for where they want to be and even journal about a better life for them and their families.

“I really want to get a new job”

“I really want to go back to school”

“I really want to devote my life to something bigger and better”

“I really don’t want to be stuck in an eight-to-five grind”

Where these dreams come to a crashing halt for many is at the blinking-light intersection of risk and comfort.

“But I don’t want to give up my daily Starbucks”

“I’m can’t tell my wife I’m quitting my job to open my own business”

“The classes and studying will put a burden on my family time”

“I’m not about to start at a position lower than my last one”

Risk aversion can certainly become an evil little voice that continually reminds you of the potential for failure and all the negative “what ifs”.  Sadly, this voice rarely speaks to the potential positive outcomes associated with a leap towards your dreams or reminds you of the great satisfaction of doing what you were placed on this rock to do.  Highly successful people use self-talk to silence or reduce the impact of the voice of doom and actively replace it with the positive outcomes of risk taking.  Not that anyone should blindly leap into the unknown but the reminder that all unknowns have an equal or greater chance of being successful as becoming a failure.  The risk aversion voice also tends to overstate the failure outcomes as being horrible when in fact, they are nothing more than learning opportunities and everything is recoverable.

Comfort aversion is as damaging as risk aversion to living a purposeful and fulfilling life.  Now there is nothing wrong with being comfortable but over-emphasis on comfort will keep you in a complacent, non-growing, non-achieving spot.  The comfort lie tells us that some of our creature comforts and vanity desires have become needs.  The BMW instead of a Camry, Starbucks instead of Folgers, gated community instead of two-bedroom apartment, Ivy League instead of community college, designer purse over the JC Penny’s version.  Again, successful people will truly understand the difference between a core need and those items that simply create comfort.  Interestingly, those people in life that have failed and restarted several times have a clearer view of what is really needed versus those comforts that sometimes serve as obstacles to achieving our dreams.

Below are a couple of tactics to help improve risk and comfort tolerance:

  1. Identify What is Really a Need Versus a Want

Look at basics.  Return to an earlier time in your life and describe how you survived and with what.

  1. Take Small Risks

Develop risk tolerance by beginning with smaller risks prior to a big leap.  Note or journal the lessons from failures and the ease in overcoming and recovery.

  1. Commit

If you want to achieve a dream or purpose, commit to a course of action complete with timelines and measurable milestones. 

  1. Partner

Don’t be afraid to share your dreams with others.  Seek the support needed to reduce risk and get buy-in on changes to comfort.  Quite simply, ask the kids if they are okay with no cable TV or moving to a smaller house.

  1. Track Progress

Monitor, track and report your progress towards your dream.  Vision posters are nice but a formal system to track progress is where achievement rests.

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Leading Edge – 10 Habits of Exceptional Leaders: 1 on 1 Meetings

The Pilot

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

By Kelley Reynolds

I recently shared my observations of certain passengers while on a flight home from Spring break.

While on this flight, there was another opportunity to observe leadership in action.  I would be remiss if I failed to share with you the leadership skills demonstrated by another leader on this flight.  The Pilot

Those of you familiar with air travel are accustomed to the perfunctory pre-flight commentary offered by the cabin crew.  Included in this are the usual details offered by the pilot.  We’ll be cruising at 30,000 feet.  Our flight time, from gate to gate is 2 hours and 18 minutes, etc.  Rarely do I pay much attention to this.  However, when the pilot began the litany, I noticed the first comments were to thank us.  That was a nice touch.

Shortly after take-off, the pilot announced that we might encounter some turbulence.  For about the first hour, the flight was uneventful.  The beverage cart slowly made its way up the aisle as I noshed on a palm-sized bag of pretzels.  And then, we dipped and bounced a little.  The familiar ‘bing’ was heard overhead, indicating that the pilot was communicating with the crew. 

The pilot announced over the p.a. system that we were encountering the turbulence.  He instructed the flight attendants to take their seats.  He further informed us that they would attempt to find smoother air.

For the next 20 minutes or so, we shimmied and dipped.  Then the bumps stopped.  The pilot, true to his word, found smoother air for us.  He then communicated with us that while we were out of the turbulence and the flight attendants would resume beverage service.

The remainder of the flight was unremarkable.  Thankfully.

The pilot had done a wonderful job flying the plane; we landed as expected, wheels first.  He also displayed a few critical leadership skills in the process. 

He communicated with us.  He provided honest and accurate information; using easy to understand language, no jargon.  The pilot managed our expectations and advised us of anticipated turbulence.  When the turbulence hit, he calmly provided instructions to keep us safe while addressing the swirling currents of air. The pilot shared with us his plan to solve the problem and followed up by notifying us when he believed we had navigated through the difficulties.

At this point, you might be thinking; “I never really thought about my flights this way, but is this really article worthy?”

While this analysis is interesting to note, it was the pilot’s next actions which inspired the article. It was what he did on the ground.

As we deplaned, our pilot who calmly guided us to smoother air, stood on the jetway waiting for us.  He spoke to the passengers.  He apologized to each of us for turbulence.  He thanked us for flying with them and let us know that he hoped we would choose the Friendly Skies for our next flight. 

Isn’t this remarkable?!  Not only did he display Battlefield Cool, as he maintained control of the bouncing plane, he exemplified high caliber leadership on the ground, too.

After landing, pilots will often remain in the cockpit, hidden from the view of passengers.  Not this guy.  He faced each of us.  Any of you who work with the public, know the unhappy customer wants to speak with the manager!  By making himself available, he provided any dissatisfied passengers the opportunity to share their displeasure.  This action may have created satisfied customers as well as diffusing any complaints going further up the chain.

He apologized for a situation that he did not create.  Turbulence.  He did not attempt to make excuses for the weather or blame air traffic control.  He took responsibility.  His plane. Period.

Then he expressed appreciation for our business. The pilot realizes that customer service is not some task to be only be performed by other members of his team.  By personally thanking us, he role modeled excellent customer service.

Finally, he made a gesture for his team and the organization.  He asked us for our future business. 

Throughout this flight, our pilot put people first.  Whether be it the passengers or flight crew or the main office, his leadership actions demonstrated dedication to the customer, to his team and to his organization.  What a great example of proactive effective leadership in action!

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

Kelley’s optimistic outlook on life guides her belief that change is possible!

Her easy going instruction style mixed with a dry wit make her an entertaining educator. She has instructed professionals throughout the nation as well as internationally. Kelley has earned a Master of Business Administration and possesses a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, both from University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

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Please Buckle Your Seat Belts

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

By Kelley Reynolds

You know, I see leadership skills everywhere, everyday even in unlikely locations and situations.

As an example, this article was written on an airplane full of families returning home from Spring break. 

In any group, team, family, or organization, there is a need for leadership.  Whatever word you use for a gathering of humans who are working towards a common goal, be it increased sales or a menu for dinner, they perform better and accomplish more with a strong leader.  We need a leader who asks the team for suggestions, considers the needs of the organization and guides the team towards the goal.

When the sun is shining, and the team is working well together, the goal is within reach; leading can appear almost effortless and joyful.  However, what happens when there are unexpected bumps? When the team becomes unsure? Uncomfortable?  Apprehensive about the future and attaining the goal?

It is during these situations where we see the caliber of the leader.  As leaders, these are opportunities to challenge ourselves and grow. 

So, we hit a patch of turbulence.  Not the metaphorical kind, but the real kind.  The roller coaster in the sky with dips and drops and shimmies.  The pilot calmly communicated to us that we were going through some rough air and instructed the flight attendants be seated and to fasten their safety belts. We rocked and rolled as the pilots attempted to find smooth air. 

During this, the reactions of passengers, especially parents who were flying with their kids, were noteworthy.  Some passengers were obviously uncomfortable.  There were some of the usual and expected behaviors.  We held tightly to beverages.  We grabbed the armrests.  We offered prayers.  The turbulence was intense.

There was one parent, whose behavior caught my attention.  She clenched her jaws and squeezed her eyes shut.  With each drop, she moaned and cried out loudly in fear.  Her fear consumed her.  She appeared to be oblivious to anyone else on the plane, including her own kids and what they were experiencing.   Her behaviors caused tremendous concern and trepidation among her children.  One of her kids began to sob.   Her response to our current predicament was not helpful to anyone.    Her reactions only exacerbated the fear her children felt.

In the aisle across from me, there was another family.  Prior to the bumps, the teen had been entranced in whatever YouTube video was playing on her cellphone.   The parent was intently reading her book.  As we bounced, I noticed the teenager glanced to her parent.  The teen appeared to be seeking a cue from her parent.  Her posture seemed to ask, “How should we react to the bouncing plane?” Or perhaps, she was seeking some reassurance. 

The parent’s neutral gaze remained on the book for many seconds.  When the mother glanced up, she gently smiled at her daughter.  The mother offered a few words of comfort.  That was apparently enough to appease the teen who then returned her attention to her small screen.

Once the teen’s attention was re-absorbed into her cellphone, the mother discreetly placed her book down and wiped her moist palms. 

This mother, as the leader of her group of humans, had performed her job.  During an uncertain time, a member of her team sought reassurances.  The leader’s calm confidence let her team know that although scary now, everything was going to be okay.  Her message appeared to be just continue doing what you are doing, and we will get through this together.

Based upon her sweaty palms, this leader was not comfortable either.  However, she was careful not to share her feelings with her team; to not burden them with her worries.  As a leader, her priority was to subordinate her feelings and to place her team’s needs above her own.

In our professional lives, we know not every day is easy.  Whether it is because the sales numbers dropped, there was a delayed delivery or organization wide restructuring, there are those times when the team may be scrambling in turmoil. 

As leaders, you have choices.  You can behave like the parent in first example.  You can moan and be visibly upset; letting everyone within earshot know how dire you think the situation is.  You can share your fears with your team.  Will this strategy change or improve the situation?  Would this help the team? 

Or, you can behave like the leader in the second example, demonstrating Battlefield Cool.  You can exhibit confidence; confidence in them and in their ability to respond to the situation at hand.  You can be there for your team and provide them with the reassurance and guidance they seek.  As the leader, no one else can provide these for your team but you. Finally, you place your team’s needs above your own.  Being strong for them gives you the opportunity to focus on their needs while controlling your own emotions. You help no one, when you let them see you sweat!

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

Kelley’s optimistic outlook on life guides her belief that change is possible!

Her easy going instruction style mixed with a dry wit make her an entertaining educator. She has instructed professionals throughout the nation as well as internationally. Kelley has earned a Master of Business Administration and possesses a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, both from University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

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Do Good or Do Nothing

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

About 15 minutes of cable news is all I can stand anymore.  I used to be a news junkie and keep up with current events but any reading or watching of the national political scene just turns my stomach.

Likewise, I have become familiar with a couple of incredibly toxic workplaces that when I hear the stories of extremely poor leadership, it just makes me sick.

The causation of this nausea is not the remarkably bad dinner in Eugene Oregon last night but rather the poor choices made by leaders to invest time, energy and effort in consciously and intentionally doing bad.  Don’t get me wrong here; we all do bad and make mistakes and exercise poor judgments and choices but not many people (sans politicians) consistently set out on a path of doing dumb things. 

In the case of toxic work environments, consider the amount of time, energy and emotional composition that is totally wasted in documenting, cross-emailing, complaining and filing grievances.  All because someone or a set of people have chosen to do bad instead of doing good.  Poor leaders concoct schemes to retaliate, get rid of someone, make another department look bad or to protect their own jobs and all at the expense of team members, morale and the general well-being of the workplace. 

And back on cable news, our elected officials (mostly national but also state and local) are engaged in a series of grandstanding, ridiculous hearings and posturing rather than doing what is best for their constituents.  Rather than good, they serve special interests and their political affiliations all the while that Rome is burning.

We have a choice every moment in our lives.  To do good, to do bad or to do nothing at all.  That choice becomes conscious and when we can spend a moment thinking about the consequences of our actions, we can learn to make better, and more aligned with the common good, decisions.

Interestingly, the choice of doing nothing in many cases is better than the choices of some leaders.  If doing good becomes impossible, then the decision to do nothing is by-far-and-away better than crafting a path for doing bad.  For reference, think about the savings in money and time if congressional hearings were vetted against serving a good purpose or for doing bad and focusing only on individual gain or glory.  How much angst could be saved if a toxic leader spent her time relationship building, providing positive feedback and empowering others rather than tearing down, conspiring and self-preserving?

To make some better choices, try the following:

  1. Analyze Motive

Understanding your own motives are clearly the first and most important step of making better decisions and choices.  Always asked my boys if they are telling on someone to get them in trouble or save them from trouble.  That simple question forced them to examine the motives of their actions and make more thoughtful decisions.  We too can examine why we are choosing a course of action but that take a hefty amount of emotional intelligence and self-regulation.  Really reflect on why you are choosing the path or direction.

  1. Test Against Mission

Check your choices against the mission, vision and core values of the organization.  This should provide ample guidance in most cases.  It’s hard to justify the harassment of a team member when an organizational core value is to treat team members well and fairly. 

  1. Test for Value to Others

Look to see if your decision or choice benefits others and not just you.  There is a time and place for a self-caring choice but not in a role of leadership or public service.

  1. Test for Unintended Consequences

Diagnose and spend some time thinking about what some unintended consequences might occur from your choice.  This is enhanced even more when you engage #5 below.

  1. Seek Input

Ask for some feedback from trusted and wise sources before storming off on your own decision.  This input can save a lot of time and energy and keep you from making some bad choices.

An above and beyond all of those, be a deliberate responder and not a reactor.  Use some time, take a pause and then choose to either do good or do nothing at all. 

An Aegis Learning Customer

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.