Resiliency-A Personal Journey

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.”

Japanese Proverb

By Kelley Reynolds

The thing about resiliency is in order to attain it, life has to knock you on your ass first. Right? How can you get up if you aren’t on the ground in the dirt?

My story, by the numbers:

26 = Trips to UCLA
10 = “Extra” months
5 = Brain surgeries
Infinite = Tears cried

“Brain tumor” NO WAY! There can’t be anything wrong with my husband’s brain. He earned a Master’s degree from Berkeley.

“Dying” IMPOSSIBLE! Have you even seen my husband? He is the Fitness Instructor for the Las Vegas Office of the Secret Service.

Cancer did not care about the logic of my denial. It didn’t even slow down for me to catch my breath.

There were 26 trips made to UCLA for treatment. For hope.

Inside one of buildings we frequently visited on the UCLA campus was a lovely courtyard with a tree and couple of tables and chairs. While he was receiving care, I would walk to a local restaurant and order lunch to go. I returned as the nurses finished with him. He and I would sit outside in the courtyard and eat lunch, like any two people in the world. It was a break, a respite from our current lives. Back when life was normal, once a week or so, we would meet for lunch. For an hour, in a courtyard at the UCLA cancer clinic, we could be normal.

We fought bravely, fiercely, naively, through exhaustion, through tears.

And then one day, there were no more lunches.

Life did not care that this was not my plan. Life continued without my consent. The sun rose the next morning. And the next. And the next. And so did I.

For whatever inexplicable reason, I was drawn to return to UCLA. I felt the desire to return. I wanted to walk to get lunch and go eat in the courtyard. I had this image; a way to honor or to connect to him. But life was moving forward. Life was not going to wait. Work beckoned. Piles of mail beckoned. The children’s activities beckoned. And so I rose and moved.

Life continued and changed. Children grew. People entered. Others left. New job. Fresh diploma. And still I felt pulled to return to UCLA. To eat lunch in the courtyard.

Only a few years had passed since he and I were there together. Now the time was right. My life was at a point and I was ready to make the trip.

The drive was unremarkable. When I arrived, I parked and set off on foot to decide on a restaurant. The sidewalks were familiar. But the place at the end of the block, where hamburgers had previously been sold, now specialized in fried chicken. That new café used to be the ice cream shop where I purchased about ten gallons of strawberry ice cream with crushed Butterfinger pieces on top. I continued undaunted. Thankfully, the sandwich shop was still on the corner.

With the paper bag, filled my husband’s favorite lunch, in hand, I followed the path I had walked dozens of times. I arrived at the familiar crosswalk and pushed the button. As I made my way across the street, I looked around the neighborhood. There was a brand new big building sitting in front of my destination. Maybe I was at the wrong intersection? No. I was in the correct spot. I would just walk through the new building to get to my courtyard. When that didn’t work, I decided to walk around this beautiful new building that was filled with eager energetic dental students, to get to our courtyard.

It only took 20 minutes of walking in circles for my denial to dissipate. My building was gone. Our courtyard was gone. Not just metaphorically, but actually. The courtyard that I daydreamed about for three years, demolished to make way for new fresh life. Now what was I going to do with the French dip sandwich? How was I going to honor him? I couldn’t sit in the new place. There weren’t any trees or greenery. And, it wasn’t ours.

Still clutching the lunch bag in my hand, feeling confused and disappointed, I made my way back to the street. As I stood on the sidewalk, contemplating my next move, I noticed that right next door was a park. Big trees, greenery, bushes.

Although we never visited it, I knew, being an avid outdoorsman (he proposed to me at Zion National Park), he would have loved this place. There was a perfect spot, under a tree next to the pond. I sat on the ground and savored our lunch.

While on the ground, I thought about this situation. Sure, my life was moving, better than I imagined it would. Yet it never occurred to me that the lunch of my day dreams could have changed. What a silly expectation. That life would stand still.

Soon lunch was over. It was time for me to leave. So once again, I rose from the ground and continued to move.

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

Kelley’s optimistic outlook on life guides her belief that change is possible!

Her easy going instruction style mixed with a dry wit make her an entertaining educator. She has instructed professionals throughout the nation as well as internationally. Kelley has earned a Master of Business Administration and possesses a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, both from University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

Leading Edge – Volume 81 – Success Skills: Time Management Systems

You Never Know

Your Impact Can Be Deep and Far-Reaching

“Every action we take impacts the lives of others around us.  The question is, are you aware of your impact?”

Arthur Carmazzi


By Teresa Lowry

It appeared out of the blue, completely unexpected. The request through Facebook Messenger asked if I would be available to meet her for coffee. She was coming to Las Vegas with her family. I said yes. If she had used her married name I would not have recognized her. She used her maiden name, so I remembered her.

We set a date and met at the Excalibur where she was staying for a long weekend. When I arrived, I shook hands with her sons and smiled at her grandchildren. Her middle son said they had been looking for me, calling past employers and searching social media. The children and grandchildren left for the arcade leaving her and I alone to reconnect.

She shared that for the past 17 years she has worked for social services in her home state. Most recently she was promoted to a position responsible for running a child abuse prevention program. This past spring, as part of a child abuse prevention and awareness campaign, she made a training video to educate and inform professionals in the field. It was important to her that the audience know that they can have a lasting positive impact on the lives of the children they meet. The video was well received resulting in the local sheriff making a request for copies for his department.

This video was personal. She decided to make it real and tell her story and the story of the professionals who helped her. There was the police officer, social worker, detective and teacher. She was a 13-year-old victim of unspeakable abuse picked up by a police officer whose instincts told him she was in more trouble than she was willing to admit. He took his time encouraging her to talk, he reassured her and calmed her fears. He promised protection and safety. She took a leap of faith and told her truth.

The officer rescued her but then she and her younger sister were alone without any family support. Knowing how isolated and lonely protective custody can be for a child the officer took steps to help. He and his wife would visit her and include her and her sister in their family outings.

She recalled the kindness of the detective assigned to her case. As the months in Child Haven dragged on, he made a point to include her in his family activities. She was able to have fun and be a kid again until a relative placement was found, and she moved away.

In high school, a caring teacher took an interest her, mentoring and guiding her to graduation and her first part time job in a bank. She gives credit to this teacher for keeping her in school and getting her through the difficult times when running away was an ever-present option.

Reliving her story through the video sparked a thought. Could she find any of the people who had helped her? She wanted to say thank you. Her son told her he would help. He didn’t give up until he found me.

Thirty-four years ago, I was a 24-year-old social worker assigned to child abuse investigations. She was one of the children on my caseload. I remember the solemn intensity and seriousness she carried at such a young age. Her name was one that stayed with me. We talked for almost two hours. The memories were fresh for her as she described my holding her hand while she cried waiting to testify in court. She said my words of encouragement gave her strength. She reminded me that I had taken her shopping for clothes and shoes on her birthday. She wanted me to know that my kindness mattered. She said thank you. I told her I was proud of her. We promised to keep in touch, hugged and said goodbye.

Teresa Lowry is a passionate advocate for learning, growth and generating real organizational change.

Signs Your Workplace is Toxic

You May be in a Toxic Workplace If:

Tim Schneider, Coach, Speaker, Author and Trainer from Aegis Learning

By Tim Schneider

Last week, our very own Polly Walker, wrote a great piece about horrible bosses and poor leadership.  Great read and I encourage you to take a look at it.

And now, a bit of a different perspective related to a toxic working environment and the signs that you may be in one:

Hiring and Promoting Practices

Based on experience, longevity or insider favoritism.  Over-values technical skills and under-values interpersonal skills.  Turnover, or transfers out are extremely high.  Those not transferring or leaving are looking.

Input Not Solicited 

Never is input, comments or ideas solicited from team members.  The boss has all the ideas and dictates outcomes.

Favoritism and Harassment are Permitted

Even when reported, rampant favoritism and harassment is ignored or tolerated.  Only the lowest level team members are actually held accountable for a code of conduct.

Learning is Ignored

Little or no value is given to learning and growth.  Opportunities for learning and growth are minimized for “work coverage” and no holistic view is given to team member learning.

Needs Are Not Met

The primary needs of self-esteem and relationship connectivity are not met or are not being fed.  The environment does not encourage social interactions and praise is only used begrudgingly.

Communication Vehicle and Frequency

Too much email and not enough face-to-face communication occurring.  Email is used to cover your you-know-what.  Widespread copies and blind copies.  Good communication is rare and rumors rule the data flow.

Opaque Transparency

Secrecy and those who know versus who does not know.  Nothing is shared in a forthright and open manner.  Creates huge amounts of anxiety among team members.

Budget is King

All hail the mighty budget!  Doesn’t matter what the right thing is or where opportunity is missed, its all about being under budget.

Right is Never Right

As obvious as the right thing is, it escapes the toxic environment.  Discipline for the bad is ignored and taking care of the good is an afterthought.  

Tim Schneider

Tim Schneider is the founder, CEO and lead facilitator for Aegis Learning.  

Video Library – Success Skills

Leading Edge – Volume 80 – Success Skills: Time Management Overview

Leading Edge – Volume 79 – CEO Mindset: Communication Approach

7 Deadly Signs of a Rotten Boss

“Good leadership isn’t about advancing yourself.  Its about advancing your team.”

― John Maxwell

By Polly Walker

At some point in your career you (or someone close to you) has probably worked for someone that was a rotten boss. According to an April 2015 Gallup study, 50% of workers in the United States have quit their job to get out of this very same scenario. This situation is very common because hiring and promotion decisions are usually based on a team member’s past experience and/or technical expertise, and not how good of a leader they are or what management skills they possess. These folks get rewarded for their technical expertise by being put in an entirely different role supervising or managing team members…often with disastrous results.

What is a rotten boss? Here are seven of the most common behaviors of someone who probably shouldn’t be in a leadership position:

1. Nitpicking and micromanagement: Nobody can do it as good as they can. They are down in the weeds and in your business.

2. Public criticism/bullying: They enjoy correcting people or calling team members out by name in meetings and public forums.

3. Lack of positive feedback: Their only interactions are to tell team members what they are doing “wrong”, and there is never a pat on the back for what they are doing “right”.

4. Doesn’t encourage career growth: No discussions are held to find out how the team member wants to develop and how the business and the leader can support them.

5. Bad listener: They don’t solicit input and/or they can’t or won’t listen.

6. Plays favorites: They expect less and relax rules for certain team members.

7. Never wrong/don’t apologize: Everyone makes mistakes. But when they do they sweep it under the rug or don’t apologize for it.

Did reading these seven signs bring back memories? What kind of impact did that rotten boss have on you, your team members and your organization? Team members are an organization’s greatest asset. Companies need to ensure that when hiring decisions are made that the person has either demonstrated good management skills, or that they are given the leadership training they need to be a good supervisor or manager prior to or as soon as possible after promotion. Rotten bosses result in team members who either leave the organization or stay and are miserable, so it is very important companies hire and promote the right people and provide timely and impactful leadership training.

Polly Walker’s areas of focus include leadership development, quality management, customer service, team member engagement and process improvement. She is an engaging and experienced facilitator, team builder, trainer, and change manager. 

Leading Edge – Volume 78 – CEO Mindset: Subtle Direction

Recommended Reading-Why the Mighty Fall

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

“Success is falling down and getting up one more time, without end.”

Jim Collins

Leading Edge from Aegis Learning

By Kelley Reynolds

Jim Collins is one of the authors who brought us Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies and From Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don’t. A few years ago, Collins was facilitating a session for military generals, CEOs and other leaders. During one of the breaks, one of the participants asked Collins, “When you are on the top of the world, the most successful company in your industry, your power and success might coverup the fact that you are already on the path to decline. How would you know?” This conversation inspired Collins to conduct research which lead to this book.

Collins previous books were focused on companies building on greatness. Collins was now curious to understand the decline of once great companies. This book is the embodiment of the philosophy of “We learn more from our failures than we do by our successes.”

Each chapter is easy to read. There are interesting examples provided to illustrate the findings of his research. Most every company used as an example was well known, for example A&P, Rubbermaid and Scott Paper. Collins also shared experiences and lessons learned from his life. Although the research started with one question, the answer lead to more questions. The chapters flow logically from each new question. For those who are interested in greater details, there are several appendices which provide additional information for the companies referenced in the book.

From Collins previous works, Good to Great and Built to Last, he and his research team had already amassed records which reflected a combined 6000 years of corporate history. They selected 60 major companies. Within the 60, they identified 11 companies that met their rigorous criteria which included a rise and fall.

Armed with the new information, the team updated their previous research. The questions they sought answers to were: What happened leading up to the point at which decline became visible and what did the company do once it began to fall? They utilized historical materials. Materials that were produced from the time of the companies’ founding to its decline, focusing on specific eras. These materials included such items as annual reports, major articles published about the company and industry reference materials. Collins did not want to rely upon retrospective interviews as those could be clouded or biased. The documents used were published and written at the those points in time without the knowledge of what would occur to the businesses.

As they researched, the team selected as a control set, a successful company that was a contemporary of the business that had fallen. The companies selected had risen at the same time and were in the same industry, such as Circuit City and Best Buy; Ames and Wal-Mart.
Collins considered the following questions: Are there clearly distinguishable stages of decline? If so, can you spot decline early? Are there telltale markers? Can you reverse decline? If so, how? Is there a point of no return?

Based upon the research, Collins and his team identified five stages of decline:

Stage 1: Hubris Born of Success

Collins cited many examples of hubris including undisciplined endeavors into areas where a company cannot excel; ignoring evidence to make risky decisions and outright denial that their company is at risk. One form of hubris Collins referred to was Arrogant Neglect. He provided the example of Circuit City that diverted its attention from their primary “flywheel,” what made the company successful, to chase the next big thing, on the assumption that their original success will take care of itself. As in relationships, if you divert your attention or ignore someone long enough, the relationship will decline.

Stage 2: Undisciplined Pursuit of More

During the research portion, Collins expected to find that companies had rested upon their laurels and had become complacent. However, in most of the companies reviewed, this was not the case. The opposite was found; the companies were found to have overreached. The companies were obsessed with growth. They strayed from their core purposes and values. When attempting to grow quickly, the companies were unable to fill vacant seats with the right people. The #1 ingredient for a culture of discipline is having the right people. The people who are self- managed and exemplify self-motivation do not require lots of rules and bureaucracy. When a company instituted many needless rules and bureaucracy, the company drove away the right people. The businesses suffered from vacancies born of rapid growth and loss of their key people.

Stage 3: Denial of Risk

This stage was marked with discounting negative or unpleasant information rather than addressing what was wrong with the company. The leaders made decisions that were not based upon the facts of the situation. The leaders shifted to dictatorial management, or, the members stopped telling the leaders what the leaders were unwilling to hear.

Stage 4: Grasping for Salvation

Panic is not pretty. The companies changed leaders. They moved headquarters. They searched for silver bullets. They restructured, again and again. This lead to confusion and disappointment. Collins described this reactive behavior as counter intuitive. It was contrary to survival. When the companies behaved in a frantic manner it accelerated their demise. Collins shared lessons learned from a combat veteran. Remain calm. Focus and take one shot at a time.

Stage 5: Capitulation to Irrelevance or Death

Collins research revealed two versions of stage 5. CEOs either decided to stop fighting for the company; or they continued to fight until there were out of options. Once those in power gave up hope, there was nothing left for them to give.

Well Founded Hope

The final chapter of the book Collins sought to prepare and empower leaders. He wanted to give hope.

Collins believed that decline was largely self-inflicted and recovery was often within the leader’s control. Companies experienced peaks and valleys. Just because a company experienced a decline did not mean it would fail. Being great did not preclude a company from falling. At the same time, just because a company fell, did not preclude it from raising again.

With empowerment, you have choices in how to respond to your situations. With adversity comes opportunity for growth and greatness. Collins wrote: “The signature of the truly great versus the merely successful is not the absence of difficulty, but the ability to come back from setbacks, even cataclysmic catastrophes, stronger than before.”

He ended the book with this: “Success is falling down and getting up one more time, without end.”

Kelley Reynolds from Aegis Learning

Kelley’s optimistic outlook on life guides her belief that change is possible!

Her easy going instruction style mixed with a dry wit make her an entertaining educator. She has instructed professionals throughout the nation as well as internationally. Kelley has earned a Master of Business Administration and possesses a bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice, both from University of Nevada, Las Vegas.